Posted by: Lea | December 19, 2008

Infidelity

When Catherine Zeta-Jones married Michael Douglas, she made him sign a prenuptial agreement stating that if he has an affair during their marriage, he has to pay her a million dollars. The fact that he had an affair with her while still married to his former wife, plus his reputation for having affairs, most likely prompted her to insist on this in their prenuptial agreement. Studies have shown that once a person has an affair, they are likely to do it again. In my experience, I’ve found this to be true.

I had been married five years when my husband had his first affair. We had two children , the oldest was three years and and a baby of six months. I thought we had a good relationship and a strong marriage. The “other” woman was also married and lived in the same apartment building. I started to notice a change in his behavior when she would visit. He wasn’t behaving towards her the same as he use to. When I first tried to talk to him about his change in behavior, he of course told me he wasn’t doing anything different. My suspicious grew as I continued to observe and he continued to deny it until I backed up my claims with information his cousin had told me. Then he confessed that he was having an affair with her.

Despite my suspicions, I was still stunned when he admitted to it. I guess I really wanted my suspicions to be wrong. Plus it really hurt that he didn’t think about how this would affect me or our children.

I was in a fog of confusion. How could the man I loved and trusted so much, whose love I had felt in return, do this? I mentally repeated over and over the scenes of our relationship. I wasn’t able to find an answer.

We talked very little the following few days. Then he came to me and said he wanted a divorce and he asked me to let him have custody of our three year old. I agreed to the divorce, but refused to turn over custody of my son. I didn’t want my children to grow up separated and I felt I shouldn’t have to give either of them up.

Later I was informed that my husband’s mistress told him she was pregnant and that he was the father. I have to say, this didn’t improve my mental or emotional well being. Then I found out that he had asked her to have an abortion. That was when she admitted that her claim was false. She had lied about being pregnant. Why he fell for that I don’t know. How could he be certain that if she was pregnant, that it was by him since she was married too?

It was after this that my husband came to me and we had a long talk. He told me that he now realized that he did love me, that he was sorry for what he had done and that he didn’t want a divorce. I still loved him despite everything. Plus, I strongly believed in the concepts of marriage and family. So I agreed that we would make the effort to get past his affair, work on our marriage and keep the family together, despite his brother warning me that he would do this to me again.

During the five years that followed, he was a good husband and I learned to trust him again. I felt that our marriage had grown stronger, but his brother was right, he had another affair.

If you discover that your relationship/marriage partner is or has had an affair, don’t automatically assume that they were unhappy with you or the relationship. Despite all the information centered around keeping a relationship infidelity free, studies show that not all affairs are a result of a person being unhappy in the relationship.

Cheating ultimately is an indication of a person giving in to self gratification without a second thought as to how hurtful the affair will be to their partner and, if they have children, their children. If you feel your relationship is over, I suggest ending that relationship before starting another relationship with someone else. As difficult as that can be, you will at least be honest and fair to all involved. If you want to stay in your relationship, avoid having an affair no matter how tempting it might be.

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Responses

  1. God bless your heart for giving that bastard a second chance. Infidelity is a big no-no for me. That and spousal/child abuse would never fly at my house. Everything else I could forgive :o)

  2. hi there…i usually come to this site to drop ecard but today when i was reading your blog, i can’t help but comment. I, too am married for 4 years but luckily my husband, his father, brother, cousins and any of his family member have had no history of cheating from their wives. But despite that, I am not at ease. Paranoia it may seem, I always have this instinct that someday, he will probably do it. So, I have carefully watched his actions over the last 11 years of being together and will probably continue to do so. Am I a bad wife? Some think I am but as for me, I just don’t want me and my kids to get hurt because if that happens, I don’t know what I will do.

    Nice post.

  3. thanks for the advice =)

    hope you’ll have a good year ahead..again. thanks for the award. i really appreciate it.


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