Posted by: Lea | December 10, 2008

One Night Stands or First Date Sex

Are one night stands or first date sex appropriate?

With the feminist movement came the idea that women should be able to behave the same way men behaved, including sexual promiscuity. Besides the sexual health concerns that goes with such behavior, there is also the overall emotional characteristics of women that needs to be considered as well. Though there are women who prefer one night stands and do not experience any emotional side affects, the majority of women end up feeling emotionally empty afterward.

What works for one person might not work for you. A lot will depend on your emotional makeup and whether or not you desire a long term relationship with your sexual partner. Here are some considerations to think about beforehand and can help you decide what boundaries you should set for yourself.

The first thing you need to consider is your emotional characteristics. To do this you might ask yourself questions like, how will you feel the morning after a night of sex if the man no longer shows an interest in you, doesn’t call after taking your phone number, doesn’t ask to exchange phone numbers or basically makes his escape as quickly as possible? Unlike men, the majority of women taking part in one night stands, this includes sex on the first date, then never hearing from him again, strips them of their self esteem.

Are you looking for a long term relationship?

If you are wanting to develop an intimate and lasting relationship with someone special, studies have shown that the majority of men do not consider women who do one night stands or first date sex for a potential long term relationship. Men think that if she was so easy with him, she’s easy with other men as well.

Though women have changed their roles in society over the decades, men still tend to adhere to the old standards for intimate relationships, despite what one might see in films or on T.V. They prefer women who are selective and take their time when choosing their sexual partners.

Just how desperate are you to be in a relationship?

While I was doing psychic readings online, I grew to dread relationship related questions. The questions from the majority of my female clients were, “Why hasn’t he called me,” and “Will he call me,” then “When will I hear from him,” and “Is he interested in a relationship with me?”

Though I got a few from men as well, the vast majority were from women. To have such high hopes and expectations after just one date, or even a few, is a sign of a desperate person. I’ve had men tell me that they lost interest because they sensed the woman was desperate or needy.

If you love and respect for yourself, you won’t have the misconception that you’re not whole unless you’re in a relationship. It takes time to get to know another person and to know whether they are the right one to build a healthy and lasting relationship with. It’s worth taking the time and to not rush it.

I want to offer caution, getting involved with someone who tries to get you to commit to a relationship too quickly is a danger signal that this person might turn out to be abusive. Please read my posts, Signs of Abusive Personalities.

There is always the risk of sexually transmitted diseases to be considered as well. The more sexually promiscuous a person is, the higher the chances for STDs. Far too many people still do not practice safe sex and there are people who knowingly withhold information regarding STD from their sexual partners.

There are a lot of things to think about when considering intimacy with someone, whether it be short or long term, and should be considered carefully.



  1. Excellent article.

    I personally believe that sleeping with someone on the first date is a major red flag stemming from their desperate attempt at fulfilling their dire need for love and attention, among other issues, non of which are healthy.

  2. Hello searchingwithin

    Thank you, I’m glad you enjoyed the article. Yes, so many forget that we are responsible for our own happiness, not other people. Learning to have self love is an important first step towards filling that void feelings that make so many feel desperate for love.

  3. Very interesting. I am glad that those days are over for me. I am happily married with three young boys.

  4. Hi Rose

    Thank you for stopping by. First dates can be difficult. Some people even hire professionals for help with improving dating skills. Blessings to you and your family. 😀


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