It’s said the people we encounter and interact with are mirrors of ourselves. That whenever we feel upset or angry toward someone, if we search within ourselves we will be able to see what the other person is mirroring back to us. During one of my Kabbalah classes, the instructor made the statement that we need to interact with people because they help us connect with our creator. If we feel we are repeatedly attracting people into our life who are in opposition to our path of self exploration, higher knowledge and enlightenment, then how can they possibly be mirrors and reflections of ourselves? After all, we are making a conscious effort to expand ourselves for the purpose of personal growth.
In some cases, I was able to see this and in other instances, I had difficulty with the practicality of these concepts. Part of the reason for that is, yes, sometimes a person will display behavior or an attitude that I might have or had in the past. This would be a lesson that teaches wisdom on how it makes another person feel when I might have behaved in such a way. Thus this person was being a reflection or a mirror to me.
My problem came from understanding how someone who has aspects so opposite and unlike me? How could they possibly be a mirror reflecting me?
Sometimes someone will do something that triggers feelings of disappointment, betrayal, things that can make us feel the person is not loving toward us, which in turn can trigger hurt feelings, anger and sometimes resentment in us. So why was this experience drawn to us? Why did life feel it was necessary for us to experience these feelings and what is being shown to us through the reflection of this person?
Just as there is a great diversity in people, there is diversity in experiences and the things we can learn from them. Therefore, it’s not practical to try to presume what experiences people can expect or what insights those experiences have to offer each person.
What People Can Reflect Back
In my case, despite being a loving person, wanting love in my life and one who values truth, I often found myself surrounded by people who behaved unloving towards me and were often deceitful. Why were these people who were so opposite to me in my life? It took me a long time to discover the answer, which was that I needed to develop self love and self acceptance.
During the early part of my life, self love was not considered a positive thing. People confused self love with a person being in love with themselves, which is egotistical. Egotistical people are in love with themselves, boastful of their own qualities, self centered, a tendency to feel self righteous and feel superior to other people. Where self love is acknowledging that you are lovable, worth loving and deserve love, that you have much to offer the people you interact with as well as the world. Self love is accepting the person you are right now, being as loving and kind to yourself as you are to others.
I suspect a lot of people need to learn this. If you allow people, whether they are members of your family, friends or coworkers, to speak and behave in a disrespectful way to you, then you need to ask what they are mirroring or reflecting back to you? Do you practice self love and self acceptance? If not, until you learn to give love to yourself and accept yourself, people will continue to behave unloving towards you. If you consciously or unconsciously believe that you are unworthy of respect or love, you will continue to attract people who reflect or mirror your belief back to you.
There are numerous experiences that we can learn other lessons from. This particular lesson was a prominent one for me and that’s why I chose it to explain the concept of how people can be mirrors to us, even if their qualities appear opposite to our own.
What insights into yourself and what lessons have you had through your experiences with other people?
Hello Lea,
Sometimes I think that we attract experiences so that we can test how much we have grown. Do we react or are we the witness in these situations? To assume that our relationships are always mirroring the shadow aspects of ourselves can be counterproductive. In any case whether we are being shown a mirror image or not, loving-kindness is the correct response both for others and ourselves, so we continue to uplift all parties concerned.
By: Miruh on May 4, 2009
at 1:16 PM
Hello Lea,
Sometimes I think that we attract experiences so that we can test how much we have grown. Do we react or are we the witness in these situations? To assume that our relationships are always mirroring the shadow aspects of ourselves can be counterproductive. In any case whether we are being shown a mirror image or not, loving-kindness is the correct response both for others and ourselves, so we continue to uplift all parties concerned.
By: Miruh on May 4, 2009
at 1:16 PM
I agree that at times, those around us do serve as a mirror, but certainly not always. Life brings us in contact with a wide variety of people and some of them are totally locked into their own agendas. The only thing we share with those people is a common air supply.
By: Jonathan - Advanced Life Skills on May 4, 2009
at 2:30 PM
I agree that at times, those around us do serve as a mirror, but certainly not always. Life brings us in contact with a wide variety of people and some of them are totally locked into their own agendas. The only thing we share with those people is a common air supply.
By: Jonathan - Advanced Life Skills on May 4, 2009
at 2:30 PM
very interesting lea, you have given me some food for thought here. i will have to do some searching within myself to see if i can find the answer.
By: PJ on May 4, 2009
at 5:15 PM
Lea, I realized as I read this that i tended to think of it a little differently, but that it might come down to the same thing: That the people we find the most difficult to deal with are gifts in the sense that they show us our ego triggers – they show us the ego patterns that can still separate us from our true nature. There’s a quote I once heard along the lines of ‘it’s easy to think you are enlightened sitting alone in a cave on a mountain’. In other words, we need contact in order to show us the ‘blocks’ we are still clinging too. So in that sense, the people that come into our lives that are difficult may be attracted by our inner drive for freedom – we may attract them exactly BECAUSE we want true liberation…Thanks for an insightful post. Lisa
By: Lisa (mommymystic) on May 4, 2009
at 9:05 PM
Lea, I realized as I read this that i tended to think of it a little differently, but that it might come down to the same thing: That the people we find the most difficult to deal with are gifts in the sense that they show us our ego triggers – they show us the ego patterns that can still separate us from our true nature. There’s a quote I once heard along the lines of ‘it’s easy to think you are enlightened sitting alone in a cave on a mountain’. In other words, we need contact in order to show us the ‘blocks’ we are still clinging too. So in that sense, the people that come into our lives that are difficult may be attracted by our inner drive for freedom – we may attract them exactly BECAUSE we want true liberation…Thanks for an insightful post. Lisa
By: Lisa (mommymystic) on May 4, 2009
at 9:05 PM
Lisa, nice perspective. Many people have also become so co-dependent they never get out of the rut or break the cycle, but some do. People come and go in our lives, God seems to bring them in for a day, a season or a livetime. For me it comes down to choice as with age comes wisdom, I tend to shed those people who bring me down. I recall Jesus hung out with the unpopular folks of the day, sometimes we just have to reach out to others to bring ourselves up.
All the best!
By: TexasCowboy on May 5, 2009
at 7:00 AM
Lisa, nice perspective. Many people have also become so co-dependent they never get out of the rut or break the cycle, but some do. People come and go in our lives, God seems to bring them in for a day, a season or a livetime. For me it comes down to choice as with age comes wisdom, I tend to shed those people who bring me down. I recall Jesus hung out with the unpopular folks of the day, sometimes we just have to reach out to others to bring ourselves up.
All the best!
By: TexasCowboy on May 5, 2009
at 7:00 AM
And do you know what else this post reminded me of? Don’t laugh…dog training. You have to have positive attitude, open mind & patience, because you mirror it to the dog. You will get results when you are positive about it. The dog will not learn or follow if you are in a bad mood or have negative thoughts (like he won’t heal properly anyway…)
By: Ivanhoe on May 5, 2009
at 8:46 AM
I have an easier time noticing this with other people than myself. For instance these two people I know who are HUGE talkers get super annoyed with people who manage to be even HUGER talkers than them. They’ll say things like, “I know I can talk a lot, but not nearly as much as they do!” So I wonder if talkers are nervous that other people think they’re annoying when they run into people who out-talk them, know what I’m saying? I’m sure there’s a whole other load of reasons why they get annoyed, but it’s rather interesting to notice people getting annoyed by people who are very similar to them.
PS- I joined the friend connect, but accidentally did it under a different account first (Radiate Light) and didn’t know how to undo it. So now there are two of me here
By: Lea M. on May 5, 2009
at 9:12 PM
I have an easier time noticing this with other people than myself. For instance these two people I know who are HUGE talkers get super annoyed with people who manage to be even HUGER talkers than them. They’ll say things like, “I know I can talk a lot, but not nearly as much as they do!” So I wonder if talkers are nervous that other people think they’re annoying when they run into people who out-talk them, know what I’m saying? I’m sure there’s a whole other load of reasons why they get annoyed, but it’s rather interesting to notice people getting annoyed by people who are very similar to them.
PS- I joined the friend connect, but accidentally did it under a different account first (Radiate Light) and didn’t know how to undo it. So now there are two of me here
By: Lea M. on May 5, 2009
at 9:12 PM
I just recently read a great book titled, “Honor Yourself: The Inner Art of Giving and Receiving written by Patricia Spadaro that teaches people how to have positive experiences with others. The key is self-esteem. People who have self-esteem are more positive and are able to give positiveness (is that a word) back to others.
By: Becky on May 5, 2009
at 9:37 PM
This is true, Lea. I’ve noticed that some of the things I didn’t like in other people are really the things I don’t like or can’t accept in myself. Interacting with people helps us see ourselves in a whole new way.
By: Jocelyn at I TAKE OFF THE MASK on May 7, 2009
at 5:37 AM
This is true, Lea. I’ve noticed that some of the things I didn’t like in other people are really the things I don’t like or can’t accept in myself. Interacting with people helps us see ourselves in a whole new way.
By: Jocelyn at I TAKE OFF THE MASK on May 7, 2009
at 5:37 AM
Hello everyone,
great topic lea.
…to share, I once, on a unplanned hiking trip I had this thought…
Who are those that pass you on a trail that you weren’t even
planning to be on… some would look up and catch you eye to eye, say hello, others would not even glace at you, who are these people. I thought then and now that there could be more to this…
Coincidence or intuition, something to learn…
for years now my path is to discover the human potential.
pondering on this topic and subjects like this… feeds the
heart and inspires potential to grow.
THNX! Lea.
peace-
By: Rickbischoff on May 7, 2009
at 7:53 AM
Hello everyone,
great topic lea.
…to share, I once, on a unplanned hiking trip I had this thought…
Who are those that pass you on a trail that you weren’t even
planning to be on… some would look up and catch you eye to eye, say hello, others would not even glace at you, who are these people. I thought then and now that there could be more to this…
Coincidence or intuition, something to learn…
for years now my path is to discover the human potential.
pondering on this topic and subjects like this… feeds the
heart and inspires potential to grow.
THNX! Lea.
peace-
By: Rickbischoff on May 7, 2009
at 7:53 AM
Your welcome and thank you again for the post- truly inspiring.
By: Becky on May 7, 2009
at 11:57 AM
Your welcome and thank you again for the post- truly inspiring.
By: Becky on May 7, 2009
at 11:57 AM
Thank you for that perspective Miruh and I agree. As you stated, I can see where I manage similar situations differently now than I did in the past. I’m glad you brought that up, as I neglected to touch on that in the post.
By: Lea on May 4, 2009
at 2:49 PM
Thank you for that perspective Miruh and I agree. As you stated, I can see where I manage similar situations differently now than I did in the past. I’m glad you brought that up, as I neglected to touch on that in the post.
By: Lea on May 4, 2009
at 2:49 PM
Hi Jonathan
True, but if we are repeatedly associating with such people, perhaps a deeper look at why could be helpful. Such as in why do we subject ourselves to being around family members or friends who are counter productive to our growth or cause some kind of chaos? Though alternatives are not always possible to implement immediately, being aware of them and when you might be able to take advantage of them can help us cope better. Positive affirmations can help too.
By: Lea on May 4, 2009
at 2:57 PM
Hi Jonathan
True, but if we are repeatedly associating with such people, perhaps a deeper look at why could be helpful. Such as in why do we subject ourselves to being around family members or friends who are counter productive to our growth or cause some kind of chaos? Though alternatives are not always possible to implement immediately, being aware of them and when you might be able to take advantage of them can help us cope better. Positive affirmations can help too.
By: Lea on May 4, 2009
at 2:57 PM
Thank you Lisa, I think that is a another good perspective to consider when dealing with people and situations we find difficult. Eckhart Tolle stated, in A New Earth, that ego will give us negative feedback as well as positive. On that concept, then possibly ego would lead us to negative situations with people that would reinforce our lack of self love and acceptance or any other aspect we are needing insight into.
The responses to this post are a perfect example that there are different perspectives and different ways to looking at people and situations. Excellent! I love it.
By: Lea on May 4, 2009
at 10:01 PM
Hi TexasCowboy
We do need to associate with people who’s energy is most like our own energy. Remember the old saying, “water seeks its own level.” Though realistically, we may not be able to completely avoid interaction with people with denser energy, keeping it to a minimum would be in our best interest. As far as Jesus hanging out with the unpopular, these particular people might have been labeled as such because they didn’t follow the masses, their society or religions. Which would mean they followed their heart. Just a thought
By: Lea on May 5, 2009
at 10:06 AM
Hi TexasCowboy
We do need to associate with people who’s energy is most like our own energy. Remember the old saying, “water seeks its own level.” Though realistically, we may not be able to completely avoid interaction with people with denser energy, keeping it to a minimum would be in our best interest. As far as Jesus hanging out with the unpopular, these particular people might have been labeled as such because they didn’t follow the masses, their society or religions. Which would mean they followed their heart. Just a thought
By: Lea on May 5, 2009
at 10:06 AM
I find that interesting Ivanhoe (it did make me smile). As odd as it may sound, it does correlate with the concepts of positive thinking for improving ourselves and our lives. It shouldn’t be considered far fetched to realize that all animals, human and otherwise, would respond in a positive way.
By: Lea on May 5, 2009
at 10:13 AM
Hi Lea
Perhaps life is trying to teach your friend the other part of communicating, which is listening. While I was in my Medical Transcription program, one of the classes was about how we really don’t listen like we should when someone is talking to us. We really aren’t listening when we are not giving full attention to what is being said. If you get two people who prefer to be heard more than to hear, then one can expect some kind of friction.
no problem about the friend connect, so glad you joined
By: Lea on May 6, 2009
at 5:56 AM
Hi Lea
Perhaps life is trying to teach your friend the other part of communicating, which is listening. While I was in my Medical Transcription program, one of the classes was about how we really don’t listen like we should when someone is talking to us. We really aren’t listening when we are not giving full attention to what is being said. If you get two people who prefer to be heard more than to hear, then one can expect some kind of friction.
no problem about the friend connect, so glad you joined
By: Lea on May 6, 2009
at 5:56 AM
I agree Becky, you can’t accept others and be loving unless you accept yourself and are loving to yourself. Looking to obtain these qualities from other people instead of ourselves, is what leads to unhappiness. Thank you Becky, for sharing another good perspective.
By: Lea on May 6, 2009
at 6:06 AM